This subject lately has been circling me like a tornado. Not a California dirt devil, but literally like straight out of Wizard of Oz status.
Which is better? Being a Stay At Home Mom, or working full time with your child in daycare? Is asking "which is better" even politically correct?
I am a Stay At Home Mom right now. I am also a full time student. I have also worked part time, along with being a stay at home mom. I have NEVER gone to work full time while putting my children in daycare. My grandmother was a SAHM, my mom was a SAHM, so maybe I just naturally fell into the roll I was bred and destined to be in? I have always had a "domestic" feeling, a want to mother and nurture. I was never the child that wanted to grow up to be a Doctor or Lawyer, I wanted to be a mom, and a teacher.
Fast forward.....quite fast....Now that I have accomplished one of those goals.....am I the only mother that's asks..... Is this it? Is this what I've wanted for so long? For my hair to be pulled, to walk around with permanent throw up or urine on my clothing, to kiss goodbye the thought of peeing or showering alone? To never get out of yoga pants, to run 3 loads of dishes in the dishwasher, to constantly be picking up toys and buying diapers. Is this it? Should I feel guilty for feeling this way? Am I allowed to feel this way?? Why do I not feel full filled?
I have recently been invited into a book club. These women are so gracious, and so nice. I don't know what they have gotten themselves into, because I'm an amazing debater. I will debate my husband till tooth-n-nail until I get my way. HA! He gets to cook tonight.
Touchy subjects like this one came up tonight. We are reading: Beyond Bath Time. This book might as well have been written about my life. Highly Highly Highly recommend it. Any mothers who are mothers should read it.
What happen to this generation of mothers? Why have we developed this feeling of want & need for more? Why have we resented our spouses and children for the way we feel? Ill tell you why! Because our job is flipping exhausting! Our job needs more credit then it gets! We need to be considered full time workers plus overtime. There is never a time that I clock out.
Recently I had a conversation with my ML (we are polar opposites, never agree on ANYTHING!) She believes I should go back to work. That a woman's place in the career world should be just as strong as a mans. Feminist? She always had her children and then went straight back to work full time without a problem. She has no problem repeating this story more then enough times. She said she was never the "domestic" type. Now this is all fine and dandy, but don't push it upon me. I told my ML that just doesn't sound like me, I need to stay home, I crave to stay home. As much as I would love to have a career, my babies are my career right now.
She told me I was stuck in the 40's.
Am I? Why isn't being a SAHM enough? What more could she or anyone else expect of me? Does it take a fellow SAHM to appreciate another SAHM? And no one else will ever understand?
I NEVER could understand a mother who dropped their 6 week old baby off at daycare, and spent the next 8-10 hours away. I couldn't FATHOM the thought. I would cringe just thinking about it. I feel like its as equal to forcing your baby to be raised by complete strangers, and having them trust everyone. (Which surely you don't want them to do)
It saddens me. Is that what my ML thinks of me? Me staying home to nurture, teach and love MY OWN children, is she sickened by it? Does she not get why? Does she think I am an inefficient wife because I cannot provide financially for my family?
What's interesting is there ARE those types of people. Kid less people, people who never want to have children, people who could have a child, but could never stay home with it. There are extremes of both worlds, and both worlds are so very passionate about what we do and why. Everyone has their reasons, can't we except that?
I am not very religious, but this book has got me thinking. We were designed to grow, birth, nurture and raise a human being. It's ALWAYS been that way. Only till the feminist movement, do woman need to feel more of a purpose, to have more meaning of their lives. What??! Growing an actual human being inside of you IS NOT ENOUGH? We tend to feel as though there IS another purpose. And that's ok.
We need to go back to the basics, the fundamental reason Jesus came through the womb and not just appeared in adult form. What we do as mothers is amazing. What our bodies, minds, souls, are put through, are beyond comprehension. And it's ok to have a friend that never wants kids, maybe their soul couldn't handle it.
When your feeling the need to have more, or feel like what your doing is not enough. Sit back and think about all the people who could NEVER do your job. That what your doing is incredible, and takes amazing strength. That raising children can be the most fulfilling aspect in your entire life.
Those who choose to work fulltime, may need to for many different reasons, and we have to accept that. They're just not like us. And thats also ok. It takes great strength to see the good in both sides. I for one am struggling with that realization.
If im a little less richer financially, I will be richer emotionally and spiritually in my childrens lives. And THAT is what I need to continue to tell myself.
“Each suburban wife struggles with it alone. As she made the beds, shopped for groceries, matched slipcover material, ate peanut butter sandwiches with her children, chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, lay beside her husband at night- she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question-- 'Is this all?”
― Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique
“All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. ”
― Erma Bombeck
To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today. Anonymous
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